If ’90s Disney Princesses Were on MAURY

Megan McLachlan
3 min readJun 29, 2021

I’M 16 — I’M NOT A CHILD. . .AND READY TO MARRY!

This is single father Triton. He doesn’t have one teenage daughter, but seven! Aquata, Andrina, Arista, Attina, Adella, Alana, and his youngest, out-of-control 16-year-old Ariel. Ariel has been missing music rehearsals so she can go on stealing benders, and now says she wants to get married to a much older man. Triton knows his daughter needs an attitude adjustment and hopes MAURY’s Boot Camp might be able to straighten her out.

I’M IN LOVE WITH MY CAPTOR!

FROM SNAP/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK

Imagine feeling like a prisoner in your own relationship. The women here today, including Belle, say they feel like they’re in jail because they have no freedom. The men they love won’t let them leave their homes. MAURY brings in experts to help these women get the support they need to get out of these relationships and help these abusive men learn how to treat a woman.

YOU’RE NOT REALLY A PRINCE — THE LIE DETECTOR TEST WILL PROVE IT!

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Megan McLachlan

Writer, Editor, Lightweight. After two drinks, I start licking faces.