All of the Ways the Shower Curtain I Purchased on Amazon Is More Into Me than Real-Life Men
2 min readJun 17, 2021
- Follows up with me every day in a span of one week: “Thank you for your order!” “Your order has shipped!” “Will you rate your transaction?”.
- Includes a cute note of appreciation: “I’d like to personally thank you for ordering our shower curtain at Amazon.”
- Makes sure we both got home OK: “I just noticed that Amazon informed us that your order of the shower curtain was delivered by USPS today.”
- Asks whether I had a good time: “I want to make sure you are enjoying your shower curtain that should have been delivered yesterday.”
- Provides ideas for follow-up dates and how we might best enjoy each other’s company: “So here are some quick important tips for using it. Wash it on the gentle cycle with cold water and hang it to dry.”
- Acts totes casual, and gives me space without appearing too needy, no pressure. “If for any reason, you think you can’t give us positive feedback, we understand.”
- Even if it slyly tries to introduce the idea of a three-some like it’s no big deal: “By the way, did you know that we also sell a Bath Tub Mat? In fact, we’re temporarily selling it now for $18.87.”
- But of course, with my pleasure in mind. “If you do have it, remember that we have a 100% satisfaction guarantee.”
- Makes itself completely open and available to me, to listen to my problems anytime. “Simply reply to this email. I want to help.”
- Still around the next day, even after seeing me naked. “It looks like you’ve had it for a few days. I hope you’re loving your shower curtain by now.”
